Attack of the Fifty Foot Penelope
by Joe Ekaitis
Summary: Can Pepe le Pew survive the vengeance of a fifty foot tall Penelope Pussycat?


# "ATTACK OF THE FIFTY FOOT PENELOPE"

_**by **_[_**Joe Ekaitis**_][1]_**  
  
**__(not affiliated with Warner Bros.)_

  
The opening credits appear over a series of shots showing a spaceship navigating a course toward our solar system and, eventually, planet Earth. The gigantic spaceship hovers over a meadow outside of Paris where Penelope is lying on her side napping at the base of a tree. A hatch opens at the bottom of the space ship and a set of huge stair steps is lowered. A giant black cat, as tall as the tree under which Penelope is sleeping, descends the steps. He's wearing a shiny metallic cape and a utility belt around his waist. The giant cat takes a ray pistol from a holster on his belt. He turns a knob on the pistol toward a + symbol, then fires the ray at Penelope for a few seconds. Enveloped in an eerie blue glow, Penelope yawns, rolls over on her back and continues napping. The giant cat climbs the steps back into the spaceship. The steps are retracted and the space ship zooms off into the sky.  
The space ship disappears into the distance as Penelope, still sleeping, begins to grow. Eventually, she, too is the height of the tree. From off in the distance, we hear the pseudo-French singing of a familiar amorous animated skunk. Penelope hears it, too, and at the sound of the approaching Pepe le Pew, she snaps awake in terror. In a panic, she shimmies up the comparatively tiny tree, trembling so violently that all the leaves are shaken from the tree. Realizing she's exposed, Penelope takes off running and finds a safe hiding place behind the Louvre. As the sound of Pepe's singing grows louder, Penelope cringes even lower, eventually finding herself nose-to-nose with a horse yoked to a small carriage. The horse notices, too. He rears up and whinnies, then turns and tears away at a full gallop. Neither the carriage driver nor his passengers, a couple locked in a passionate kiss, seem to notice the sudden change in speed. Penelope stands up to watch the tiny horse and carriage zoom off, then looks down at her own foot, conveniently occupying the space between a parked Peugeot and a Citroen. The impatient driver of a small Renault blows his horn and Penelope moves her foot. "Merci, Mademoiselle Big Kitty!" says the driver.  
Penelope realizes what's going on. A thought balloon inflates over her head and in it, we see a montage of flashbacks from her past encounters with Pepe le Pew. The balloon deflates and disappears. Penelope looks in the direction of the approaching Pepe. The innocent look on her face is slowly replaced by an evil grin.  
Pepe strides into the square in front of the Louvre. "Where are you, Pigeon?" he calls as both pigeons AND people flee the square at his approach. "It is time to stop playing Hide and Go Seek! Come out, come out, wherever you are, Cupcake!" His call is answered by a huge black paw that appears from behind the Louvre and slams down onto the cobblestones mere inches from his nose. Penelope pulls the rest of herself into view. Pepe slowly tilts his head back so far that his nose is pointing straight up. He turns toward the viewer.  
"Too much of a good thing?" he asks. Penelope lets fly with a roar that would do a male lion in his prime justice. Pepe turns 8 shades of white and is about to take off running when Penelope pins his tail to the pavement with her back foot. She rips a street lamp out of the ground and, turning it over, holds it like a croquet mallet. She draws back the lamppost/mallet and smacks Pepe with it, causing him to careen off of lamp posts, parked cars, mailboxes, trees and eventually, through the Arc d'Triomphe. Pepe slams into a kiosk and unrolls into a heap as his normal coloration returns. Penelope extends a claw on her right paw and scratches the words "PENELOPE:1 PEPE:0" into the exterior wall of the Louvre. She drops the lamppost and takes off after Pepe.  
Before Pepe can rise to his feet, Penelope pounces on him. She sits up and gives Pepe a bone-crunching hug that changes his shape into a limp hourglass. "DEFINITELY too much of a good thing" says Pepe weakly. Penelope kisses Pepe so hard that his face is turned in on itself. "So" he says in a muffled voice, "that's what my eyes look like!" His face pops back to normal.  
Penelope looks around, wondering what to do next to Pepe. She notices a mural painter's scaffold erected near a building. One of the cans on the scaffold contains black paint. Penelope carries Pepe over to the scaffold, sits down and holds Pepe by his tail between her thumb and index finger. She daintily picks up a paintbrush, dips it in the black paint and deftly covers the white stripe on Pepe's back, then paints a thin pair of whiskers on each side of Pepe's nose. Still holding Pepe by the tail, she happily trots toward a fence with the words "L'Pound du Bow-Wow" on it. She dangles Pepe inside the fence while uttering a couple "Meows!" setting off an eruption of barks and howls from the occupants of L'Pound du Bow-Wow. She bobs Pepe up and down, delighted at how she can control the barking. During one of his downward trips, Pepe manages to unhook the latch on the gate. It opens and the dogs pour into the street and surround Penelope. Penelope drops Pepe and takes off with the dogs from the pound in pursuit. She passes several well-known Parisian landmarks as the pack of dogs swells into the hundreds.  
She skitters up the Eiffel Tower and the base of the tower is soon completely encircled by the barking dogs. A close-up of one part of the crowd shows Pepe, with his white stripes visible once more, jumping up and down and barking along with the dogs. Eventually, the dogs notice, too and soon, all of the dogs disperse in a panic, leaving only Pepe to jump up and down and bark. Penelope climbs down the Tower far enough so she can grab Pepe again. She carries Pepe to the very top of the tower just as the giant spaceship returns. The hatch at the bottom opens again and a powerful tractor beam pulls her and Pepe inside. The hatch closes and the space ship appears to be preparing to take off. Instead, several exclamation points appear above it.  
The space ship wobbles erratically back to the meadow where Penelope was sleeping. The bottom hatch opens once more and the giant Penelope along with the normal-sized Pepe are dropped to the ground, shrouded in a green cloud. Pepe lands on the ground, face down. The giant black cat from outer space pokes his head out. Holding his nose with one paw, the giant cat fires the ray pistol once more at Penelope. This time, she's enveloped in a yellow glow and begins shrinking back to her normal size.  
Pepe sits up and Penelope, thinking she's still fifty feet tall, raises her paw as if threatening to grab Pepe again. Pepe puts his paw in hers and pulls Penelope into a passionate embrace, kissing her repeatedly. Penelope squirms free and takes off, leaving Pepe to remark "Too much is never enough." He takes off after Penelope. Iris out. "That's All Folks!" 

[][2]

[Looney Tunes Larger Than Life!][2]

   [1]: mailto:JoeEkaitis@anthro-animal-art.com
   [2]: http://ourworld.compuserve.com/homepages/JoeEkaitis/looney.htm



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